I believe that everything happens for a reason, and no matter what that reason is, I’m just trying to accept it. I may have crossed the lines that caused someone else to get hurt but those mistakes teach me to not do it again and I know I’m not perfect. I made mistakes, everyone does… but that doesn’t mean that I deserved something that is ten times as painful. My worst trait is trusting too much. Because of that, I feel I have failed so much in my life. I’ve sacrificed so much just to help someone or just to make others happy. It’s enough for me to see their smile, and to know everything is alright. It’s always like, others first, myself later.
Sometimes, I keep asking God to let me see the future because I want to know the next chapter of my life. I want to know if I’m going to have a new cycle. A cycle where I can be contented, where I can see my dreams, where there is no more pain like what I’m experiencing right now. I wanted answers to some questions, I got some answers but I know in my heart that it isn’t the whole solution. I’m so afraid, I don’t know why… I don’t even remember making some mistakes; all I know is that I was in a place where I had no choice in life but to follow the flow.
“Life is like the weather, sometimes you love it and wish it to stay the way that it is, but sometimes you hate it because it makes you feel unwell.” -thyrene
I am aware of this, however sometimes I don’t know how to deal with it. As Charles Swindoll says,
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”.
On my 24th birthday, all I wish for is to have a better future for my son and to continue to seek for the answers that I’m yearning for.