It has taken so long for me to add something new. Actually, I really don’t know what to share anymore. It makes me feel like the sky gets darker each day. I might say it is perfect when people normally see it. I start questioning whenever I look up. I prefer not to be bothered by my problems and pretend that they aren’t there. Life is getting tougher as I age. I may be able to accomplish some things in my life, but I know for myself that it isn’t enough. I’m looking for something new;a new life, a new beginning.
It’s been a long time since I was with someone physically. I was in a long distance relationship for so long, ended not in failure but things didn’t work out how everyone wanted. When I fall in love, I start to lose interest in other activities. Well I guess you can say one of my worst emotions is loving too much. I’m not perfect and I truly admit that I have made mistakes.
I know that each of us have different views when it comes to relationships. At my age, 26, I feel more drawn toliving with someone, building a family. I honestly don’t prefer being in a dating situation but It’s what I have right now. It’s not because we’re not ready to live together but more because he doesn’t feel his situation is stable. Most of my entire life the situation has been unstable, the answer is to know how to handle circumstances properly.
For my BF: I know one day you’ll be able to read this, I’m sorry if this will hurt you emotionally, I’m just being completely honestabout what I feel. And don’t get me wrong, I love you, I truly do!
There’s a lot of questions in my mind, like something is tightening in my head. It is my first time that I’ve been in a relationship where we never speak about the future. It only happens if I ask but it’s the same answer every time. It seems talking about the future is off-limits or it makes me feel like I am running around in a circle. I guess some people will accept that it’s normal to not have a conversation about it, but it’s important to me. I never thought about it when I was a teenager, I felt like my boyfriend is not my future husband, so we just went with life’s flow. Now, it’s different, every second counts. There’s a saying “You’ll never know if you’ll succeed if you don’t try”. That’s why I no longer believe in dating or long-term relationships. Lastly,I believe that in a relationship, you won’t truly know each other’s attitude unless you are both living under the same roof. Sigh! I’m thinking too much. I don’t really know what’s going on, makes me feel like I don’t know myself anymore.